exiting the lightrail,
i thought i needed cigarettes,
even though i could not afford
both cigarettes and food,
the latter i would need later, but
adderall is a thing I thought I needed
forty five minutes prior
to exiting the train,
so, of course, cigarettes won.
walking past a sign advertising
“steinmetz and partners” i wondered what
i would wonder
if i wondered about
“steinmetz and partners.”
would i think about their respective sex
lives or how they looked during
or if they were all jewish, or just
some of the associates?
i then wondered if i was racist
for spontaneously thinking
jews were prone to neoptism,
in a roundabout way.
after coming to the conclusion
that i was maybe unconsciously anti
semetic, i bought cigarettes from
and indian man who looked at me
susipiciously, while he held his
big cell phone to his ear.
i wondered if he wondered why
i was both black and suspiciously
i would have said “adderall!” if
i thought that would’ve explained anything.
exiting the indian man’s store
i stopped to smoke, and a likely
meth-addicted woman asked, “who
was the best credit card for our age,” and when i politely asked her to
elaborate, she said she wanted to
know what bank had good policies
for young people–“people our age,”
but she was much older than me
or on meth, a lot.
i offered her a cigarette and said
i was “not very good with money.”